FUPA????

Yeah, the title describes the most disgusting part of my entire body. It's not even a real body part, but honestly just thinking of the word makes me nauseous. It's not what it sounds like. (If you'd like a definition, QUICK! Here it is; Fat Upper Pussy Area.) Honestly, it's just stomach fat which all fat gals, myself included, tuck into their pants because, well, are we supposed to just let it hang out? It has to go somewhere, folks, and that place is not on the outside of my pants. 

I've been noticing that because of the amount of fast food and crap I ate this past month, mine has grown, and it's making me upset enough to post about it here. I slipped up twice in the past two days with eating. Had fast food last night at 2 in the morning, and ate a fattening "Drunken Grandma" slice of pizza today for lunch (for those interested; it's a combination of a grandma slice with vodka sauce on it, pretty delish, but so bad). Not proud, but I won't cry about it since I can't go back and change it.

Tonight, my mom made a super yummy dinner. Chicken with quinoa and artichoke hearts, seasoned with lemon. I always forget that I can enjoy eating healthy.

Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day for me, health wise.

I'm going to post some fitspo, mostly for myself. 

Wellp that's it for today, folks. I hope you feel inspired. ^_^

 Wellp, here's a back view (YIKES.)
Before working out, or apparently a decent outfit. I look horrendous. This was when I met one of my favorite bands, All Time Low. The next time I meet them, I'm going to be hot enough to be confident and be able to actually tell them how amazing they are.

I'm seriously so embarrassed, but because this is an uplifting post let's focus on positives; there'll never be a picture of my backside that looks THIS bad EVER again.

Here's a progress picture from a few weeks back. Since then, the loss of a family member and various other stress factors have led me to stop working out and start being lazy again. But my legs and ass have definitely been more shapely and defined, and I can feel the muscles when I flex them. I can't wait for the rest of my body to feel this good.
Squats are happiness to me now.
Running is my excitement.
Weight lifting brings me emotional strength, too.

I'm going to be the best person I possibly could be. I'm going to lose the weight, and I'm going to see on the outside what everyone around me sees inside me; beauty.

     Here we have the absolute best picture I could drum up for a first blog post. There's me (with the orange hair) with my favorite band. Paramore has been there for me since I was eleven years old, and this picture was taken exactly on my twentieth birthday.
     I don't like blaming mental illness for things. I like owning up to my own faults. Regardless, anxiety is a huge part of my life, and has been since I went to school in Florida and came home after one semester. I've been on about seven different medications for it, and I've been off of medication at the time of this blog post for about three months. In my darkest moments in Florida, the nights where I'd sit on the floor without so much as a clue what would help me feel better, Brand New Eyes, Riot, and All We Know Is Falling were there to pick me up (well, and the Singles Club songs.) This band is always there with a song to describe my emotion, regardless of what it may be. I thank them for being the people they have always been, sticking by their beliefs, sticking together and making music, and for showing me I can live a free and happy life.
    I've never been one to love who I am. I've always been overweight (which is kind of the point of this blog in the first place, living a healthy lifestyle inside and out,) and I've never been one to like what I see in the mirror. I've struggled with years of doing horrible things, being a downright mean person, and being left to deal with the consequences.

But Paramore has helped me. All We Know Is Falling introduced me to Paramore, and provided a soundtrack for the horrific experience that was middle school. Riot helped me deal with the anger I felt as a young teenager dealing with divorce and a parent with addiction problems. Brand New Eyes helped me deal with my first relationships, the ups and the downs. All I Wanted became the soundtrack to more than one breakup over the years. And lastly, the Self Titled Album, Paramore, came out during a period of transition in my life. Coming home from my first semester away at school and returning to life in my hometown was more of a transition than I thought it'd be. Resuming classes at community college and feeling like I'd been ripped of everything I ever wanted. I immediately connected with the songs Grow Up, Ain't It Fun, and especially Anklebiters.

"Why do you care what people think?
Are you hooked up to their leash?
You know anklebiters
Ate up your personality

Try to remember how it felt
To just make up your own steps
And let anklebiters
Chew up, spit out someone else

So fall in love with yourself
Because some day you're gonna be the only one you've got."

Just a brief excerpt from the song, but I guess you can see how it'd connect with someone who truly had never felt a love for themselves.
June 21, 2014, I met my favorite band on the planet. I asked Hayley to write those lyrics out for me to get tattooed onto my body forever. My first tattoo was placed into my flesh on June 28, 2014. I intend on living out this message for the remainder of my life.