Here we have the absolute best picture I could drum up for a first blog post. There's me (with the orange hair) with my favorite band. Paramore has been there for me since I was eleven years old, and this picture was taken exactly on my twentieth birthday.
     I don't like blaming mental illness for things. I like owning up to my own faults. Regardless, anxiety is a huge part of my life, and has been since I went to school in Florida and came home after one semester. I've been on about seven different medications for it, and I've been off of medication at the time of this blog post for about three months. In my darkest moments in Florida, the nights where I'd sit on the floor without so much as a clue what would help me feel better, Brand New Eyes, Riot, and All We Know Is Falling were there to pick me up (well, and the Singles Club songs.) This band is always there with a song to describe my emotion, regardless of what it may be. I thank them for being the people they have always been, sticking by their beliefs, sticking together and making music, and for showing me I can live a free and happy life.
    I've never been one to love who I am. I've always been overweight (which is kind of the point of this blog in the first place, living a healthy lifestyle inside and out,) and I've never been one to like what I see in the mirror. I've struggled with years of doing horrible things, being a downright mean person, and being left to deal with the consequences.

But Paramore has helped me. All We Know Is Falling introduced me to Paramore, and provided a soundtrack for the horrific experience that was middle school. Riot helped me deal with the anger I felt as a young teenager dealing with divorce and a parent with addiction problems. Brand New Eyes helped me deal with my first relationships, the ups and the downs. All I Wanted became the soundtrack to more than one breakup over the years. And lastly, the Self Titled Album, Paramore, came out during a period of transition in my life. Coming home from my first semester away at school and returning to life in my hometown was more of a transition than I thought it'd be. Resuming classes at community college and feeling like I'd been ripped of everything I ever wanted. I immediately connected with the songs Grow Up, Ain't It Fun, and especially Anklebiters.

"Why do you care what people think?
Are you hooked up to their leash?
You know anklebiters
Ate up your personality

Try to remember how it felt
To just make up your own steps
And let anklebiters
Chew up, spit out someone else

So fall in love with yourself
Because some day you're gonna be the only one you've got."

Just a brief excerpt from the song, but I guess you can see how it'd connect with someone who truly had never felt a love for themselves.
June 21, 2014, I met my favorite band on the planet. I asked Hayley to write those lyrics out for me to get tattooed onto my body forever. My first tattoo was placed into my flesh on June 28, 2014. I intend on living out this message for the remainder of my life.